Liz Mokamba

After the Christmas holidays were over and it was time for me to get back to the city,
part of me (actually the whole of me) wanted to press the pause button that can stop
the earth from revolving. I literally wanted time to stop, just till I get ready. But fact is
that the world doesn’t stop. Whether you are awake, asleep, on the move, sad or
happy, mother earth will always be doing her thing – revolving.

I wasn’t afraid of getting back to the unending rollercoaster that is Nairobi or getting
back to work. I was afraid of the commitment that I had made to myself, a
commitment that had been pushed so hard by the deepest part of my soul, a
commitment that scared the hell out of me while giving me astonishing amounts of
inner satisfaction at the same time.
By this time, I was 75% done with the process of publishing my first book. I knew I
wanted to finish what I had started but let’s face it; the remaining 25% was the
hardest bit for me. For one, it needed a pretty huge financial commitment and two,
the part that scared me the most, was how I was going to get the word out, how was I
going to announce my first ever publication?

I mean, it had been easier telling my close friends about my writing and what I am
writing about. I informed my mother of my intentions to write before I actually stated
writing but my brothers knew later, when I was done with the first manuscript.
You might be wondering why I found it so hard breaking the news to my extended
family that I was writing. Let me just come out and say it – it is because of the
contents of the book, it is because of what I was writing about. See, I know you have
come across quotes and speeches about making peace with your past. The message is
pretty good but it doesn’t come with a tutorial on HOW to do it.

I have come to understand what healing is and how it comes in different ways. I have
also come to understand that the universe works in mysterious ways. For me, it made
me remember certain incidences that happened in my past, then it made me ask
myself questions about those incidences I remembered, the questions made me a little
miserable and desperate while trying to get the answers and just when I was almost
hitting rock bottom, the universe gave me one hot slap on the face that woke me up
and made me think and see things with an inner eye, an inner understanding. And
right there, the universe showed me HOW.

My HOW was through writing. Through writing, I searched for, identified and made
peace with myself and with the world. As I am almost sharing my story with the
world, I am scared as hell. I spend every minute that I am awake thinking (and
possibly overthinking) of the outcome of my publication. However, I remind myself
to calm down, because no matter what happens, life goes on, mother earth keeps
revolving.

I mean, go big or go home right? And for me, I am going big. You know why?
Because Yes! I am My Father’s Daughter.